-Watertown NY, By Hans Wilder
You ever notice how every movement eventually eats itself? Starts with a purpose, ends in a punchline. And right now, MAGA’s lookin’ like the setup for a really bad joke:
“A Palm Beach billionaire and a guy in a buffalo hat walk into the Capitol…”
You got two kinds of MAGA people now:
The smart ones — the Palm Beachers. These are the ones who love Trump the way hedge funds love loopholes. They got stocks, lawyers, Botox, and a backup generator in the Caymans. They don’t storm buildings — they buy them. These people wear red hats on golf courses and private jets, not in Walmart parking lots. They know what a balance sheet is, and they sure as hell don’t get their news from Telegram channels with usernames like @ThePatriotEagleMom1776.
Then you got the dumb ones. The Q Crowd. Oh yeah.
These are the folks who think George Soros controls the moon phases and that there’s a weather machine in Alaska that splits the clouds over Toronto… just to attack Watertown, New York.
Yeah. You heard that right.
They actually believe the U.S. government, in cahoots with lizard people, NATO, and probably Oprah, is using a secret weather machine to create precision snowstorms over a town with 20,000 people and one mall that dont even have a Sears.
Because what better way to stop the Great Awakening than by icing out Fort Drum and shutting down the Arby’s?
That’s not politics — that’s a sci-fi channel movie on bath salts.
And yet, somehow, both sides think they’re the real patriots.
The Palm Beachers say, “We built the movement. We’ve got the money, the lawyers, the offshore accounts.”
And the Q folks say, “We decoded the memes, connected the dots, and now we know that rain is mind control.”
Trump’s stuck in the middle like a divorced dad at a birthday party.
One side’s handing him cigars and campaign donations.
The other side’s handing him dream journals and hand-drawn maps of underground mole children.
The Palm Beachers believe in capital gains.
The Q crowd believes in chemtrails, weather warfare, and JFK Jr. hiding in an Applebee’s in Tulsa.
And both sides are staring at each other across the MAGA cookout like rival cults:
“You people are crazy.”
“No, YOU’RE the globalist infiltrators!”
Meanwhile, Trump’s just trying to figure out which camera angle makes him look 6’5”.
See, the movement split.
When the money people saw the maniacs coming, they backed away like, “Oh no. We wanted a tax cut, not a time machine to 1776 run by barefoot prophets.”
So now, the MAGA boat has two captains:
One with a Rolex, and one with a tinfoil hat, screaming about Canadian cloud lasers targeting upstate New York.
Folks, when the brains leave the cult, all you’ve got left is the Kool-Aid — and someone’s spiking it with bleach and ivermectin.
