West Palm Beach, By Hans Wilder
Well, folks, strap in for another wild ride through the circus we call American politics! In the latest episode of “As the Big Apple Turns,” President Donald Trump—yeah, that guy again—decided to play Godfather and toss out corruption charges against New York City Mayor Eric Adams like yesterday’s pastrami sandwich. Why? Because Adams said, “Sure, Don, I’ll let your ICE buddies poke around Rikers Island.” Quid pro quo? Nah, just a little “cooperation” with immigration enforcement, they say. Wink, wink.
Now, the Democratic leadership in NYC is running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Governor Kathy Hochul—bless her heart—steps up to the mic on Monday and says she’s thinking about booting Adams out of City Hall. “In 235 years, we’ve never kicked a mayor to the curb like this,” she drones, sounding like a history teacher who just found out the field trip’s canceled. “Overturning the voters is serious business, but holy hell, the crap coming out of City Hall lately is giving me nightmares.” Gee, Kathy, tell us how you really feel!
Here’s the scoop: last week, some hotshot acting U.S. Deputy Attorney General named Emil Bove told Manhattan prosecutors to drop the case against Adams faster than you can say “Trump Tower.” The Justice Department filed a motion—still waiting on Judge Dale Ho to rubber-stamp it—and poof, Adams is off the hook. In return, Adams hands over Rikers to ICE like it’s a welcome mat. Trump’s border czar Tom Homan swears up and down there’s no deal, no backroom handshake, no nothing. Sure, Tom, and I’ve got a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you.
The fallout? Four deputy mayors hightailed it out of there like rats off a sinking ship, and Hochul’s dusting off her constitutional playbook, flexing her gubernatorial muscle to maybe, just maybe, kick Adams to the curb herself. She’s got a big powwow scheduled in her Manhattan office tomorrow with “key leaders” to figure out how to keep the city from turning into a bigger dumpster fire than it already is. “My 8.3 million constituents deserve better,” she says, sounding like a mom scolding the kids for trashing the living room. “I’m watching this mess like a hawk, people!”
Rewind to September: Adams gets slapped with five corruption counts—think free Turkish vacations and shady consulate deals, all while allegedly strong-arming city inspectors to look the other way. He pleads not guilty, of course, because who doesn’t in this town? The Feds claimed the case was cramping his style on immigration and crime, but they’re not saying boo about whether the evidence was worth a damn. Meanwhile, seven Manhattan prosecutors, including bigwig Danielle Sassoon, threw up their hands and quit in disgust when the Justice Department pulled the plug. You can almost hear them muttering, “Screw this, I’m out!”
Adams, though? He’s digging in his heels, refusing to resign even as the walls close in. Good luck, buddy—your reelection’s coming up, and guess who’s sniffing around the primary? None other than disgraced ex-Gov Andrew Cuomo, ready to claw his way back into the spotlight like a bad horror movie villain.
So here we are, folks: Trump’s pulling strings, Adams is dodging bullets, Hochul’s playing hardball, and the Democrats are imploding faster than a cheap balloon at a kid’s party. Just another day in the greatest city in the world, where the only thing dirtier than the streets is the politics! Stay tuned—this one’s gonna get uglier than a subway rat on a hot summer day.
