So here we are again, folks: America just had another one of those “democratic experiments,” and guess who came out on top? The guy that half the country can’t stand and the other half can’t get enough of. And wouldn’t you know it, Trump’s win has set off the biggest mental health meltdown in modern history. Forget therapy dogs; now it’s therapy fleets and rescue llamas for folks who can’t handle a shift in power.
We’ve got people hyperventilating on the sidewalks, glued to their phones, streaming “Emergency Coping Sessions.” Every blue-state barista, yoga guru, and gluten-free pastry chef is posting, “How do I go on?” You see, we’ve raised an entire generation on the idea that the world is supposed to fit their vision exactly, or else it’s time to collapse.
Look, when half the country is losing its collective mind over one guy getting the job, that’s not politics; it’s a full-on addiction. They’re addicted to outrage, to hashtags, to “good versus evil.” They’ve turned the White House into a reality show, and when their “villain” wins, they act like it’s Game Over for Humanity. And what’s the antidote they come up with? An emotional support group chat and five “I Survived 2024” T-shirts.
No, the real crisis isn’t Trump or Biden or any politician. It’s that we’re so soft and triggered, we’ve got whole departments issuing “recovery plans” for democracy trauma. If every time your side loses you spiral, maybe it’s time to stop basing your self-worth on what some guy in D.C. is doing.
