By Hans Wilder, West Palm Beach Florida
Ah, Justin Trudeau resigned today. Finally decided to hang up his socks and take the last exit out of Ottawa, eh? Let’s give this the Wilder Treatment—cutting, unapologetic, and with a side of truth you’d rather not hear.
Step one: call him Governor. That’s right, Governor Trudeau, of the 51st state. “Oh, Canada! My home and native land”—or as we’ve been singing lately, “My northern parking lot.” You see, calling him “Governor” was the first jab. Nothing says “your sovereignty is a polite fiction” like stripping someone of their title and handing them an honorary role in Uncle Sam’s backyard barbecue. That alone might’ve been enough to make the guy sweat through his shirt, but we weren’t done yet.
Step two: call Canada the 51st state. The ultimate insult to the maple leaf. It’s like telling your neighbor their fancy house is just an extension of your garage. And while you’re at it, make sure to remind them their greatest national export is syrup—which, let’s face it, tastes better with American pancakes anyway.
Step three: make him fly down to Mar-a-Lago before you’re even president. Talk about a power move. Nothing says “you’re on borrowed time” like making someone pay homage to the golden throne of Trump’s Florida kingdom. Did Trudeau think he was going there for cocktails and small talk? No, he was summoned—like a nervous schoolboy showing up to explain why he forgot his homework.
And finally, step four: address the whispers. Is he or isn’t he the love child of a communist dictator? Let’s be honest, that rumor’s been swirling around longer than his last campaign promises. Whether it’s true or not, the mere mention of it was enough to send him spinning. Truth hurts. So does speculation. Especially when it’s about your DNA and your dad’s political leanings.
So, here we are. Trudeau, out. Why? Emotional damage. He couldn’t handle the heat from the Trump grill. And here’s the kicker—this is just the warm-up. Canada, you’re next. You think you’re staying independent? Think again. The 51st star is already on order, and we’ve got space on Old Glory for it.
Let’s unify. Pro-Trump, pro-USA, pro-Canada joining the party. Who needs two hockey teams when you can have one? Who needs two currencies when one dollar does the trick? And who needs two leaders when one’s already running the show? Trudeau’s resignation isn’t just the end of an era; it’s the beginning of a merger.
You’re welcome, Canada. We’ll send a fruit basket and some fireworks to celebrate. And if you’re still upset, just remember—it’s all about emotional damage. Trudeau couldn’t handle it, and neither can you. But hey, that’s what makes America great. And soon, it’ll be what makes America and Canada even greater—together.
