Watertown Mayor Declares War on AI… and Somehow Loses to Emails
Ladies and gentlemen, gather around because Watertown, New York—home to snowbanks taller than your car and the famous Salmon Run Mall (where the salmon gave up and ran years ago)—has a scandal for the modern age! And by “scandal,” I mean something that’s just stupid enough to be funny but dumb enough to make you weep for humanity. It involves emails, ChatGPT, and a mayor who’s so under-the-radar that people are starting to think she might actually be a pothole.
You see, Cliff Olney—a Watertown City Council member and apparent villain in this riveting soap opera—had the gall, the audacity, the nerve to write his emails…and run them through ChatGPT. Yes! The great AI menace. A robot! A soulless machine! What’s next? The toaster writing his grocery list? The microwave typing his speech? The fridge fact-checking his cholesterol?
But the mayor—uh, wait, hold on… what’s her name? Anyone? Oh, that’s right—no one really knows. She’s got that special superpower where you can hold public office but still blend into the wallpaper. Like a Where’s Waldo character who gave up and sat down for coffee. Anyway, Mayor “What’s Her Name” decided she’s had enough of these AI emails. Enough, she said! No more Cliff Olney’s polished prose popping into her inbox like he’s Shakespeare with a microchip.
Now, let me explain something—
This isn’t about AI. This is about power. The mayor wants Cliff Olney to send her the raw, unfiltered emails. None of that ChatGPT-enhanced politeness. She wants typos, people! She wants bad grammar, missed punctuation, maybe a random “thank yu” at the end. Because if an email is too clear, too well-written, it’s suddenly untrustworthy. It’s as if Cliff Olney ran his message through some futuristic NASA supercomputer—instead of a chatbot that, let’s be honest, mostly just writes emails like your English teacher on two cups of coffee.
What’s next, huh? Is she going to ban spellcheck? No autocorrect? “Sorry, councilman, but if you can’t spell ‘infrastructure’ with your own two sausage fingers, I’m not reading it.”
Now, here’s the kicker…
AI could actually help her do her job. I know, crazy, right? Imagine if the mayor of Watertown used ChatGPT…
- For responding to emails (since she doesn’t seem to like reading them).
- For explaining city projects to residents (like why there’s still a crater on Arsenal Street where a road used to be).
- For apologizing for every garbage pick-up delay with poetry: “Roses are red, snowbanks are tall / Your trash will be picked up… sometime this fall.”
- For generating new, bold ideas to put Watertown on the map—something better than “Hey, let’s get another Dollar General next to the old Dollar General.”
The possibilities are endless!
But nooooo, instead we’re getting a mayor who says, “If an AI wrote it, I’m not reading it.” Oh, come on! That’s like saying you won’t eat the cake because the oven baked it.
It’s 2024! AI isn’t the problem—you are, lady. Because here’s the thing: nobody cares how Cliff Olney writes his emails as long as the message gets through. He could use ChatGPT, a parrot, a magic eight-ball, or interpretive dance—and it wouldn’t matter. What matters is the message: “Hey, we’ve got a problem in this city, let’s work on it.”
So, to the mayor: Don’t fight AI, embrace it. Use it to fix the city budget. Use it to make Watertown’s website not look like it was coded on a Gateway 2000. Use it to write a resignation letter for when people finally start asking, “Wait, who is this person in charge?”
And to Cliff Olney… keep using ChatGPT, man. Just for laughs, have it sign your next email “Skynet” and see what happens.
Because the real scandal here isn’t AI. It’s that Watertown, New York—the city that gave us the Thompson Park Zoo and a whole bunch of winter—is somehow being run by someone who’s afraid of good grammar.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Watertown: where the snow is deep, the roads are cracked, and the mayor is busy declaring war on emails. You can’t make this stuff up… but luckily, ChatGPT can.
Cliff Olney using AI for emails? That’s like upgrading from carrier pigeons to a jet plane. Smart man.
If AI is helping this guy write clearer emails, the real crime is banning it. I’d take ChatGPT emails over my boss’s all-caps rants any day!
Oh no! A city councilman with clear grammar and coherent thoughts? The scandal! Clearly, Watertown needs to chill out.
Its already cold here
The Mayor is a petty, unintelligent tool.
Wait, Cliff used AI for emails? That’s it—I’m calling him to write my kid’s book report. #TeamCliff.
Imagine being mad because someone wants to be understood. Cliff, you keep letting that AI do its thing!
Honestly, if AI helps Cliff say what we’ve all been thinking—‘fix the potholes’—I’m all for it. Give the man a ChatGPT subscription.
As a journalist, I’ve seen my fair share of absurd scandals, but banning AI-written emails? Watertown, you’re on another level. Cliff Olney is just using modern tools to communicate effectively—something every public official should strive for.
Honestly, I can’t believe we’re still using AI to write emails. How are we supposed to connect with the authenticity of our elected officials when they outsource their thoughts to machines? The mayor’s right to reject AI emails—she’s clearly standing up for human integrity and the spirit of progressive discourse! We can’t let technology replace the raw, unfiltered truth of a hand-typed email with all its imperfections and typo-ridden glory. If the mayor were truly using AI, we’d be living in a dystopia! AI might help Cliff Olney sound articulate, but is that really what we want in leadership? Someone who thinks clearly and communicates efficiently? Sounds a bit too Republican to me.
Still?????
Rejecting AI because it helps people communicate clearly is like refusing a calculator because you prefer doing math by hand. Embracing efficiency isn’t ‘Democrat’—it’s just common sense in the modern world.
Wow, this is like saying we should reject the printing press because it made books easier to read. We’re in 2024, not 1924. If we’re still clinging to the idea that ‘imperfections’ in emails somehow prove ‘authenticity,’ then maybe it’s time to let go of some of those antiquated notions. AI isn’t about replacing human connection; it’s about helping people communicate more effectively, especially when there’s important work to be done. As for the mayor, rejecting progress in favor of ‘raw, unfiltered truth’ sounds more like a way to avoid addressing real problems—like the city’s roads—or just a fear of keeping up with technology. A leader who embraces efficiency and clarity is one who actually gets things done, no matter what party they’re in. But hey, if you’re happy with emails full of typos and confusion, who am I to argue?
I just got the push notification and wow, what a crazy article! Cliff Olney using AI to write emails is honestly the smartest thing I’ve heard all day—clear communication is exactly what we need from our leaders, not the chaos of typo-ridden rants. Let’s be real, if more politicians used AI to be this effective, we might actually get something done around here!
A councilman uses AI to sound better, and people lose their minds? Meanwhile, my mayor still thinks TikTok is a clock app
My husband called Cliff about our streetlight being out for a year, and he had it fixed right away
WHATEVER. Oh. Emog. Cannot we all just get along? And if AI helps Joe Biden speech writers who can blame them. look at what it did for Trump.
I like how this article effectively uses humor to critique what it perceives as backward thinking in local government, particularly regarding the adoption of new technologies. It suggests that embracing AI could potentially improve efficiency and communication in city operations, rather than viewing it as a threat.
If Mayor Pierce’s actions come across as unintelligent or out of touch, it reflects a broader frustration with leadership that seems resistant to change or unable to effectively address pressing local concerns.
Outstanding Article.