By Hans Wilder, West Palm Beach
You ever notice how the people yelling “climate denier!” the loudest are the same ones sipping martinis in their beachfront mansions? They’re out there telling you, “The sea levels are rising!”—yeah, but apparently not high enough to make them sell that coastal McCastle, huh? They’re more worried about the ocean swallowing your apartment than their infinity pool.
And let’s get this straight—nobody’s denying the climate changes! Of course, it changes! That’s literally what it does. It’s been changing since the first time a volcano burped and said, “How about a little ash with your prehistoric weather?” Ice ages, heat waves, droughts—Earth’s been rolling the dice for 4.5 billion years. If you’re shocked by a hot summer or a cold winter, you need to have a serious talk with the sun, not your local gas station.
But here’s the kicker: they’re not interested in solving climate change. No, no, no. They just want to slap a nice shiny “carbon tax” on everything and call it a day. “Let’s save the planet—$20 at a time!” Yeah, right. Meanwhile, the politicians pushing this garbage are flying around in private jets powered by whale tears and unicorn farts, all while telling you to cut back on your toaster usage.
Oh, and the carbon credits. Don’t get me started. You can buy your way to a clean conscience now! Pollute all you want, just plant a tree in Madagascar, and suddenly you’re the Greta Thunberg of your neighborhood. It’s a racket! They figured out how to turn guilt into a subscription service.
And listen, it’s not about ignoring the environment—of course we should take care of the planet! But let’s skip the scare tactics, huh? “The polar bears are drowning!” Yeah, maybe they’re finally tired of living on ice cubes and want to vacation somewhere warmer. Ever think of that? And the Eskimos—sorry, Inuits—maybe they’re ready for a little break from frostbite. You think they’re complaining about milder winters? “Oh no, fewer blizzards and more daylight? What a disaster!”
The truth is, we’re not saying the climate isn’t changing. We’re saying, “No thanks” to the endless bullsh*t bureaucracy that comes with it. You think a tax form is going to stop a hurricane? You think banning plastic straws is going to make the ozone layer high-five us? Please. Keep the fear porn and the guilt trips. Just don’t buy a house near the ocean if you’re so worried about it, and maybe, just maybe, quit turning a natural process into a profit machine.
