“Watertown: The Gold Mine We Didn’t Know We Were Sitting On… or Maybe Just Another Government Experiment”

By Hans Wilder for DMUSA

This week in Watertown has been nothing short of surreal. You can’t swing a cat (not that I would—I’m a cat lover) without hitting someone talking about that mysterious yellow and blue plane flying overhead. It’s been buzzing around like an overly curious neighbor, and after weeks of speculation, we finally got the response: “It’s just the government doing their thing. Nothing to worry about.”

Oh, really? Nothing to worry about. That’s a phrase that should come with a warning label, because when the government tells you not to worry, you might as well start packing your emergency bag. They say it’s a legitimate survey mission, but let’s be honest here: we’re still in the dark about what’s really going on. Legitimate survey mission of what exactly? Are we sitting on rare earth minerals? Natural gas deposits? Diamonds? Or did Watertown suddenly become the testing ground for the next generation of AI surveillance drones?

If the rumors are true and we’re sitting on rare earth minerals, then maybe I should start charging rent for all this valuable dirt under my feet. Who knew we were sitting on a literal gold mine? Of course, it’s not actual gold—it’s the stuff that makes your iPhone run faster and your Tesla battery last longer. And if there’s one thing we know about valuable minerals, it’s that we, the people of Watertown, probably won’t see a dime of it. No, they’ll dig it up, ship it off to God-knows-where, and leave us with a giant hole in the ground. Maybe they’ll throw in a commemorative plaque: “Here lies Watertown, once rich in minerals, now rich in potholes.”

And if it’s not rare earth minerals? Then what? Are they mapping out Fort Drum from a different angle? After all, that plane isn’t just buzzing the fields and forests; it’s circling our military base like it’s trying to solve a puzzle. And let’s not forget the possibility that this plane isn’t even being flown by a human. Yeah, we might be dealing with AI drones here, folks. No pilot, no accountability. Just a high-tech, flying machine scanning us from the sky while we go about our daily lives.

The government says not to worry, that it’s all routine. But since when has “routine” included a brightly colored drone-plane zipping around town with no clear explanation? And let’s be real for a second—how often has the government really had our best interests at heart when they start digging around, literally or figuratively? The last time they said “trust us,” half the country ended up with contaminated water, and the other half is still waiting for broadband access in rural areas.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we need to start building bunkers or putting tinfoil on our heads. But the way they’ve handled this is insulting. After weeks of silence, they give us a non-answer like, “Oh, it’s just a survey. You’ve got nothing to worry about.” Well, here’s a newsflash: when you treat people like they’re too dumb to understand, they start wondering what else you’re hiding. And boy, does this feel like one of those times.

Maybe they’re testing out new tech that can scan for illegal woodstoves or unauthorized tomato gardens. Or maybe they’ve found a way to detect contraband by just flying over your house. Who knows? With the way AI is advancing, we’re one step away from planes that can check your Facebook profile while measuring the mineral density in your backyard.

And let’s not ignore the timing. The same week we get this vague “nothing to see here” response, we’ve got increased military exercises at Fort Drum, unexplained flight patterns, and rumors swirling about new drilling rights. Coincidence? Sure. And I’m the Queen of England.

Look, all I’m saying is, when the government gives you a wink and a “don’t worry about it,” it’s usually time to start worrying. Whether we’re sitting on rare earth minerals or being used as a testing ground for AI surveillance, something’s going on. And Watertown’s not exactly known for being the epicenter of cutting-edge technology or natural resource mining, so it’s hard to believe we’ve suddenly become this important overnight.

Maybe the next time that yellow and blue plane buzzes over my house, I’ll pull up a lawn chair, wave, and smile for the cameras. After all, I’ve got nothing to hide. Right?

In the meantime, I’ll be keeping an eye on the sky and an ear to the ground. Because when the government says, “It’s just the government doing their thing,” you can bet your bottom dollar there’s a whole lot more going on than they’re telling us.

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