Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and most importantly, those brave souls still awake enough to actually pay attention to local politics—let’s talk Watertown, NY, and the circus we lovingly call our city council race. Or as I prefer to call it, “The annual race to see who can misunderstand the future fastest.”
Now, we’ve got eight contenders. Eight fine individuals, or at least eight humans who filled out some paperwork correctly. Or did they? And hey, paperwork is half the battle, right? But here’s my problem, folks. Digital Media USA—and by extension, yours truly, Hans Wilder—hasn’t endorsed a single one of these bright-eyed hopefuls yet. Not one. Why, you ask?
Simple. Because I’m waiting to see if any of these folks are brave enough—or crazy enough—to actually talk about tomorrow instead of obsessing over yesterday. Newsflash, Watertown isn’t winning the future by reminiscing about how lovely it was to stroll around Public Square when Eisenhower was still a thing. That’s great for historical plaques—not for policy.
Lisa Ruggiero and Cliff Olney, our incumbents. Lisa says she’s experienced, but here’s a question: experienced at what, exactly? Keeping the seat warm? Then we have Cliff, who’s imaginative and stands up for what’s right—until he trips over signatures and has to run a write-in campaign. Cliff, my friend, maybe write “signatures” on your hand next time. That might help; Or better yet stop by my place in downtown Watertown and let me sign it like I said I would!
We’ve got Colin Burns, the “median age” guy worried about taxes—because clearly Watertown’s biggest innovation in the future is making sure no one can afford to leave. Pete Monaco’s jumping in because he knows “how the city works.” Pete, the city’s not working, that’s the point!
Doug Osborne is running again (third time’s a charm?), and Robert Schorr’s back too—proof that Watertown politics is basically recycling with fewer environmental benefits. Shane Garrabrant wants to renegotiate our hydro contract—wow, water and power, groundbreaking stuff from the Nikola Tesla of Watertown over here. And Anthony Velasquez thinks we need fresh faces. True, Anthony—but fresh faces doing what exactly? Smiling at zoning meetings?
Digital Media USA is holding out until one of these hopefuls proves they’re not stuck on repeat. Show me vision! Autonomous vehicles? AI server farms on the Black River? A tropical dome over Thompson Park because, hell, why not? Dream a little bigger than street potholes, folks.
Until then, the Wilder endorsement is staying put, because I refuse to endorse candidates whose idea of “forward-thinking” is checking the rear-view mirror. Watertown deserves more, Watertown deserves the future, and right now, I’m not sure these candidates even own a calendar.
Wake up, Watertown City Council candidates—show me tomorrow, or you’re stuck in yesterday without my vote.
